The Uncertainty of Infertility

Nothing tests our ability to deal with the uncertainty of events beyond our control as experiencing infertility. This is living in the grey area. Nothing is concrete.

Treatment cycles can be unpredictable and women experience many ups and downs through cycle cancellations, negative beta cycles, or positive cycles that later result in miscarriage. This grey area requires women to learn to sit with not knowing and ultimately, come to terms with the fact that sometimes answers simply don’t exist. Even if you do everything ‘right,’ things may not always go as planned.

Through this process, women experience feelings of hopelessness, disappointment, anger, loss of control and frustration. It can be exhausting carrying this burden for years and feeling as if your life is on hold.

How can we learn to let go?

  • Understand what’s in your control and what is not. Loosen your hold on wanting things to be a certain way. Know that so much of infertility is not in your control.
  • Acknowledge that this moment is challenging. Identify and express your feelings.
  • Promote feelings of acceptance. Things are as they are. Surrender.
  • This means not blaming yourself or your partner for something beyond your control.
  • Notice and release any judgments, expectations, or comparisons to others.
  • Increase self-compassion. How would you support a friend going through this? Show the same care and concern for yourself.
  • Learn coping skills to help face uncertainty without feeling overwhelmed. Try mindfulness exercises, relaxation techniques, spend time in nature, express your feelings through journaling or speak with someone who can hold what you are going through, find humor in this process.
  • Find a mantra that works for you: I let go. Some things are out of my control. The only thing I can control in this situation is my response to what’s happening. Delays can be beneficial. My life is unfolding as it’s meant to be.
  • Remind yourself that you are not always going to feel this way.

Through all of this, make sure to continue to live your life. Remember, infertility is just a part of you; it does not have to define you. The fertility journey is challenging, but what you learn about yourself through the uncertainty of this process can be a beautiful thing.