Decision-Making for Third-Party Family Building

There are many things to consider before moving forward with third-party assisted conception. One of the most essential tasks is understanding that having a child with donor assistance is more than just a solution to infertility. It’s considering the future child’s experience and needs,  as well as your own. Here are some questions to start exploring this path:

  • What are your assumptions about alternative family building? 
  • How would you or your partner feel about the absence of a direct biological link to your child? 
  • Have you processed feelings of grief around this genetic loss?
  • Would both you and your partner feel comfortable having a third-party involved in your family story? 
  • What is important to you in choosing an egg or sperm or embryo donor?
  • With genetic/ancestry testing and social media, do you believe anonymous donation truly exists?
  • How will you talk about your family story and share your child’s origins with your child? 
  • How do you feel about the possibility of bio siblings?
  • What will you share with friends or family about your child’s conception?
  • How will you respond to your child’s direct questions about the donor’s background or wanting to meet the donor or bio siblings? 

There are many ways to become a parent, and there is much to consider before choosing this path to parenthood. It can be helpful to meet with a mental health professional to explore these and other considerations. Find someone with whom you feel comfortable exploring thoughts and feelings around this decision.