Lonesome Motherhood

How do you find your mom tribe?

The loneliness of parenting an infant takes many new moms by surprise. You may wonder where you fit in now - your main group of friends may have older children, or be childless. It can be hard to connect and feel you are contributing socially with these friends  – you may worry you don’t have much to say since you don’t do much on maternity leave outside of caretaking an infant. There will be days when you don’t talk to any adults all day. This is where many women really feel like they lost their previous identity – the isolation and reduction in social interaction can really impact mood.

Parenting a newborn can feel isolating. As soon as your partner leaves for work, you’re looking at a full day with a blank slate with a baby. Then comes the complex anxiety feelings around staying in or attempting to go out. The challenges of getting out of the house with a baby plus all the baby gear seem insurmountable, so of course, staying home seems most appealing.

It’s essential that new moms find the strength within oneself to do the opposite action and find some source of connection. Joining mommy and me or breastfeeding support groups can help reduce isolation. It’s ok to be late to these meetings. It’s ok to be a mess. It’s ok to cry there. It’s also ok if you don’t particularly like or connect with any of the moms; the social exposure for you and your baby is key. Some moms find wonderful support online through mothers’ groups and parenthood apps. This is a great way to feel understood by others, ask questions, and, most of all, laugh from reading and posting funny things about a mother’s day that others totally get.

Choose whatever path feels right to help you connect to others going through motherhood at your child’s stage. It can be so rewarding. I still remember the anxiety I felt going to the first mommy and me group. I teared up, and almost went home. Then I looked at my baby and thought, we got this. Some of those women still support me today, two years into motherhood. Find your tribe.  

Here are a couple of related articles:

The Loneliness of Motherhood

The Facebook Moms