Losing a much-wanted pregnancy is a heartbreaking, deeply profound psychological and physical loss. Perinatal losses include miscarriage, stillbirth, ectopic pregnancy, pregnancy termination for medical reasons, and preterm losses. The grief response to a perinatal loss is complex and includes: the prospective loss of the desired child or parenting experience; the loss of self expectations and family plans; the loss of having an easy path to becoming a parent, and the loss of innocence; as well as having to experience medical procedures and the physical aspects of the loss. The emotional response to the grief and trauma of pregnancy loss is also complex. Anxiety and depressive symptoms may increase after perinatal losses. Many women take on feelings of self-blame or guilt as they try to make sense of what happened when sometimes there are no answers—we simply just don’t know.
We live in a culture of silence and often hide our grief. In some cases, we try to open up but others respond with insensitive responses, unintended or not. Stigma and secrecy can create disenfranchised grief related to perinatal losses. Additionally, the lack of public recognition or grief rituals for perinatal loss can complicate grieving. The truth is pregnancy loss is a major loss, no matter how far along you are. It takes time to heal, both physically and emotionally. The attachment to the pregnancy and child can last for some time, and anxiety and fears for future pregnancies can take over. It’s ok to talk about it. Say out loud the unspeakable. Take time to grieve. Explore the meaning of this loss in the context of your life plan.
Pregnancy loss is an experience that is difficult to understand if you haven’t gone through it. The loss of a pregnancy after infertility can add to the distress. October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month, however it takes more than one day or month to acknowledge these losses. Find someone with whom you can share your loss experience and express your feelings and concerns. The more we talk about it, and express the pain of pregnancy loss, the more we can heal ourselves and others.
Perinatal Loss Resources:
https://missfoundation.org/
https://stillstandingmag.com/
https://handsupport.org/
https://www.climb-support.org/
http://www.aheartbreakingchoice.com/