There are many things to consider before building a family using donor gametes. One of the most essential tasks is understanding that having a child with donor assistance is more than just a solution to infertility. It’s considering the future donor conceived child’s experience and needs, as well as your own.
Here are some questions to start exploring this path:
What are your thoughts, feelings and assumptions about third-party family building?
What do you know about the experience of being a donor conceived child or a donor conceived adult?
How do you or your partner feel about the absence of a direct biological link to your child?
Have you processed feelings of grief around genetic loss?
Are both you and your partner comfortable with having a third-party involved in your family story?
What is important to you in choosing an egg or sperm or embryo donor?
With genetic/ancestry testing and social media, do you believe anonymous donation truly exists?
How will you talk about your family story and share your child’s origins with your child?
How do you feel about the reality of bio siblings?
What will you share with friends or family about donor conception?
How will you respond to your child’s direct questions about the donor’s background or wanting to meet the donor or bio siblings?
What do you imagine it would be like to be the parent of a donor conceived individual?
What may your child need from you?
What do you need to increase your confidence with this parenting experience over time?
There are many ways to become a parent, and there is much to consider before choosing this path to parenthood. It can be helpful to meet with a mental health professional to explore these and other considerations. Find someone with whom you feel comfortable exploring thoughts and feelings around this decision.